クズオロ さん。 めっつ の はいく は、 たのしです。In particular, "excited in the face of essence" is creative, Succinct, enticing, and emotional rather than rational, which are all traits that are not easy to fit into a short poem in a new language. Some students listed "uses the vocabulary that we learned" under their criteria for a good literary work. I don't know how seriously we are meant to take the criticism but You diverged from the vocabulary that we know, so that's something to consider during revision.
こんにちは！はいくがだいすきです。Exciting ですよ。I think that your work has great imagery and I can really see or feel what you're describing. はいくのvarietyがすきです。The first one makes me laugh because it's a reminder of the last time we were in language lab. The second one I feel the tension and it's really engaging. And the third one is unexpected because the title seems to lead the reader in another direction than your actual poem! すごいですね！Great use of Kanji and just a suggestion: see if you could use Katakana one more way!
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YanıtlaSilクズオロ さん。 めっつ の はいく は、 たのしです。In particular, "excited in the face of essence" is creative, Succinct, enticing, and emotional rather than rational, which are all traits that are not easy to fit into a short poem in a new language.
YanıtlaSilSome students listed "uses the vocabulary that we learned" under their criteria for a good literary work. I don't know how seriously we are meant to take the criticism but You diverged from the vocabulary that we know, so that's something to consider during revision.
こんにちは！はいくがだいすきです。Exciting ですよ。I think that your work has great imagery and I can really see or feel what you're describing. はいくのvarietyがすきです。The first one makes me laugh because it's a reminder of the last time we were in language lab. The second one I feel the tension and it's really engaging. And the third one is unexpected because the title seems to lead the reader in another direction than your actual poem! すごいですね！Great use of Kanji and just a suggestion: see if you could use Katakana one more way!
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